For those who don’t have Netflix or haven’t watched Queer Eye before, it is a makeover show hosted by five gay men. They show up unannounced at a nominated person’s home and proceed to help them in five areas of their life: personal style, home design, hair/personal hygiene, cooking/food, and life and culture.
If you haven’t seen this show, I highly recommend it. They do an amazing job of finding genuine people who just need a bit of guidance and nudging in the right direction to live into their true selves. After watching all three seasons there are some lessons that show up nearly every episode. They’re worth all of us taking a moment to consider.
What I learned from Queer Eye
Confidence is key. Yes, this is a cliche. No, it isn’t overused. In every episode the person going through the makeover doesn’t have a sense of belief in the beginning. The obvious thing to say here is, “Believe in yourself!” but, you know what, it’s harder than that.
Find something that helps you feel more confident. Here are three places to start:
- Clothing – if you are putting on things that you don’t feel help you look like your best self, you’re not going to feel as confident as you could.
- Fitness – it’s not about losing weight. It’s about improving your mindset and knowing you’re treating your body the way you deserve to treat your body.
- Self Talk – this is straight forward. Don’t talk down to yourself. Where your mind goes your body follows.
Self-Deprecating Talk isn’t doing you any favors. Being self-deprecating is a fake way to act like you’re okay with whatever it is you’re actually completely dissatisfied with about your current situation.
The guy in charge of personal style, Tan, puts it best. He says, “I’m not okay with hearing your self-deprecating humor, and neither are you.”
That quote is pure gold. Your friends shouldn’t (and hopefully don’t) want to hear you talking down to yourself. Sure, every now and again when you do something obviously silly being able to laugh at yourself is important. That doesn’t mean you laugh at WHO you are. You can want to change and still be happy with yourself at the same time.
Going alone isn’t courageous or commendable. In a Season 3 episode, the person being made over talks about how it took five really great people to help him see how he was self-sabotaging and keeping himself from meaningful change.
So many of us do the same thing. We want to figure out our nutrition on our own. We want to create our own plans to achieve our goals. We don’t want to go to therapy, even though we need it. Badly.
You’re not a hero for not seeking help. You’re just silly. Recognize your support system. Notice who is rooting for your success, and leverage them to find it. You don’t have to do that through CrossFit or fitness, but we’d certainly love to meet you if you’d like to give it a try.